santa barbara sunset

so right now im on my balcony looking at the most amazing sunset. Its kinda wierd to think how happy I am here. I love everything about santa barbara. I think im in love :) This year is going to be awsome! I spent last night with a couple of my closest friends and it felt SO right. And I have met the coolest people here too as well, most who are all from my second family, FUSION. I love it. 

Wish I could share all this with him. Love ya daddy. Signing off ...

Punkin

the Nevison Video Letter

so after I popped my blog cherry with my some-what emo post "still mad", I was going through some old family stuff and i struck GOLD! I found a video my dad had taken of our family when i was six. Now, although i was crying like baby through the entire thing, it was really nice to hear his voice. I have been really angry at myself lately because I haven't been responding to my dads death all that well. But im pretty sure it was because the last couple years he was alive, he wasnt himself. He wasnt the dad i remember.  But after watching this video of him, all my questions of "did i really even know him?" or "was he even the same dad as before?" all went down the drain. The dad my sisters and brother knew was the dad who has been sick. The dad I knew is a whole different person. He was creative, loving, AWAKE, happy, and as always hilarious. I guess the reason I cant cry is... well.... I lost my dad three years ago. Although there was a point in time this year when he really pulled through for me during some heart ache of boy and his infected new girl toy of the month (haha yes morgan you know). "Well Britt.. you know what the difference between love and herpes is right?? Herpes lasts forever."

He always had away for making me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Man i miss him. 

still mad

Today the death certificates came in the mail. There they were in black print "Brent Nevison...cause of death...time of death....". I dont know why it hit me so hard, but it did. It said nothing about how he left four kids behind. A little boy who is only eight years old and never even got the chance to play a game of basketball wit his daddy. A thirteen year old girl who struggles with understanding why someone took her best friend. A sixteen year-old whos entire life got flipped upside down and now she doesnt even have her knight and shining armor to guide her through her troubled teenage years. And finally a heartbroken and regretful nineteen year-old who cant even look in the mirror with out feeling guilty and short-handed. It just stated the facts. The fact of the matter is, is he died of a broken heart. And it should have said under Contributing Causes of Death: Lukemia, Depression, and a BROKEN HEART from his no-good fuck up of an ex-wife DEBBIE CRAIG.


I guess i still have a lot of anger left from all this...