Dance in the City

Well last night was interesting.. I knew I would cross paths with that one night that would brake me down... just didn't think it was going to happen in Hip-Hop. I guess the good thing is though, I wasn't criticized for my dancing , but for asking a question... ehhhh egotistical dancers ... I will say this though, I was having a bit of an issue performing under pressure and after the dance de dusche made a complete mockery of me in class, the nervousness was gone and I nailed the routine no problem! take that sr snooty!!! anyways so after that I basically sobbed on Katie's shoulder for a good 15 minutes and then vented to Tara.. uhhh gotta love getting ur pride tap danced on. However, now im in a bit of a situation... I don't know to take his class again just to prove him wrong or if I shouldn't waist my money on time on a class when I didn't even like his choreo... ehhhh

Another funny thing happened last night, I got an unexpected text from a very unexpected blast from the past. And he asked a simple question that put soooo much into prospective. "When are you coming back?" my answer: " I don't think I am" It was surreal to get it out of my head and to actually voice the idea. well not voice.. text but still...ahhh I love this city and I hope I don't ever have to leave :) :) :)

By the way Im reading this book about creating a career out of your passion so I will be signing off with a quote from the book.

"Life-altering change comes not when things are easy, but difficult."

New York

So i decided that I needed to keep a diary of my life in the big apple. Being that it is probably the most exciting time in my life and I really am enjoying every single second living my wildest fantasies and dreams. So lets just go through the basics... I live in the financial district, which is really nice, and I live with two amazing girls Tara and Katie. Both who I love to pieces and then some! Ok so, Tara is doing an internship for MTV, shes kinda the shit who I just love and them some. Katie is doing an internship with me at BDC, and seriously might be the coolest/ funnies person alive. They both have enlightened in me in so many ways and in such a short amount of time that i can only describe our living situation as a miracle! Oh and p.s. MO, Kt's BF is also the shiznit! (no, hes right next to me...) lol Moving on... So then there is BDC where I am interning! Basically its a devoted studio that really and truly wants to make dancers dreams come true. I have taken dance classes all over the place and never have I ever been so impressed by the lack of cat-i-ness within a dancing studio. There is little to no pageant moms and their die hard children who only want ur failure... not their own success. Soooooo impressed/blessed. Alright so what else can I tell you.... I mean it seriously is a dream here. Walking down cobble stone streets, living in a high rise, having every type of food possible in less then a block from my house... you name it, its here.

Dance Classes
So the program is a combination of 12 classes. 5 classes of my concentration (Hip- Hop), 3 diversity (not hip-hop), 2 elective (anything i want), and 2 ballet ( if you know me... you know how i feel about that). Actually I took a ballet class yesterday which was quite hilarious.. Me.. in tights, a leo, and ballet slippers... eye yi yi. We had a our first mock audition last Friday which was also a placement audition, in which me and Kt NAILED IT! That was pretty awesome too, because the judges were comprised of our future dance teachers, producers, talent agents, and even girls looking for models for a dancer magazine :) I have been starting to look at auditions too and I feel like after a couple months of this intense training, Ill be on my way to TRUE professionalism in the dance world. UHHHHHHHHH THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

Dancers
The girls in the program are seriously amazing! Every single girl has a different and unique talent that I admire and find to be absolutely breathtaking. Each time I watch them dance I am taken back by their love for dance and the passion the pushes them closer and closer to their dreams! Just a few of them i will mention... Ok so there is my little Minnesotan sweetheart , Hannah, who I cant get enough of. She is one of those lyrical contemporary dancers that can take any movement and add her own little spice on it and VWALA! Its all her own! Then there is Laura, who is just a doll! I envy her make-up skills and is the probably the most bubbly person alive .. that is outside the dance studio... However, when she gets in the studio is she is all kinds of fierce! Then there is my spitfire Maria.. This Long Island native, will tell you how it is and she is all kinda of sass.mmmeeeoooowww!

Well that's as far as I am getting today, of course I have to get off my butt and go take 3 dance classes! Talk to you all later :)

O my

o my word it has been a WHILE! uhhh i swear to god i cant be consistent with anything if my dance schedule continues to get all crazy like it did this last semester!! WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!! haha newho... so tonight i will perform my  very first solo. called.. "curttain call" to Elisa's "dancing" ahhhh im so flippin nervous its not even funny... along with "our little world" choreographed by Ashley Kohler (We do this dance blind-folded) its absolutely fantabulous in every which way! plus a cpl others. NERVOUS!!! im gunna go watch Weeds now to calm my nerves haha

here we go again

its like 1 am. i miss him so much. no one knows whats its like. i keep telling myself it will stop hurting but it keeps hurting worse. i cant sleep tonight. how can i sleep knowing my best friend isnt here. he would be the one to tell me im fine. to tell me its ok. he would be cracking some joke or say something funny to help me move on.  its like that goo goo dolls song "and u cant fight the tears that aint coming, all the moments of truth in your life, when everything feels like the movies. ya you bleed just to know ur alive. and i dont want the world to see me cuz i dont think that they would understand when everything is made to be broken i just want you to know who i am." this is the third night i will not sleep. just toss and turn. my head feels like its going to pop. i remember when i was a little girl i asked my dad if he could marry me. he laughed and said that i had enough room for two men in my life and i was forever married to him. 

He promised that when he would walk me down the isle that he would cry . cry that i would move on and not be his little girl but he knew ill always knew i would be his punkin. I am so messed up. Daddy syndrome went from wanting every guy in my life to not wanting any at all. How can i learn to love any man and when i know the inevitable.  that at any moments notice i could go through losing someone i love. 

stupid ass migraines wont quit. sleeping would fix that, but who knows if it will get better???  Today i listened to my voicemail this is what i heard....

June 12th 2oo7

: Hey punkin, its your dad. just thinking about you... a lot lately. your graduating in a couple days and i cant make it out there to see you graduate. it uhh--- it makes me so sad. but lets concentrate on the positive.cuz if i go down the road of feeling sorry for myself... well then ill never get anything accomplished. im proud of you. i really really am proud of you. and i love you very much... and i know i haven't been the best dad in the world.... but uh let me tell you, your in my thoughts and prayers all the time. and ill be in spirit with you on stage that day and wishing i was there. and i love you hunny. buh bye.

How can i breath with out the man who said he will love no matter what. the man who changed my diapers. and who watched me grow,

The man that loved me so much he lied and fought day and night to get custody of me. I always wonder, how unfair it is that my parents divorced forcing me to miss out on the the little time i had with my dad.

I feel so guilty. How come i didnt see him sooner. I feel like its my fault. Hoe come i wasnt there to kiss him goodbye and to tell him i loved him. The last conversation i had i promised him i would talk to him again and i was CHEATED. cheated of talking to the one of the 2 most important ppl in my life. 

"cuz i am barely breathing and i cant find the air. dont who im kidding imagining you here. and i cant stand here waiting oooh for another day. i dont suppose its worth the prize its worth the price the price that i would pay. " 

I love you, ill never forget you, ill never let you go. And i promise the day i get marrried i will hold your hand, I will walk alone down the isle. Because NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE YOU. You are my confidant, my idol, my hero, my best friend, and the best father a punkin could ever ask for. 

love you daddy

mmmmmm chia latte

Ok so right now im drinking, yes once again, a chai latte. But thats ok cuz i woke up an hour early and went on a run. Nothing like meeting your neighbors in a sweat drenched t-shirt. Any who i have so much to tell about my weekend!!! So Thursday night i went out dancing with the girls. I seriously love hanging out with those girls more than anything! My DT rebels (minus morgan). What you know bout manic Mondays???? 

Anywho on Friday I hung out with my Roxy! she is the best dog in the whole world. Later that night i went to work at a bat mitzvah with one of my dancers Carlos. We had so much fun/ and awsome work out just chillen with a bunch a little kids, eating dank food, and getting PAID 4 IT! ye ya talk about living the life! I than continued my night at Chef Karimes and partied it up with Maris, Beca, Linds, Ryan, Kyle, 2D and the rest of the gang. It was really fun especially when i was 

challenged to a dance battle against 2D. Hilarious. 

Saturday I had a Fusion dance company photo shoot. Fun fun fun. I thought it was going to be super awkward having ppl tell me to look all serious and what not. But instead they just took candids of us playing/dancing on the beach. I love it. We than moved brunch down to Denny's where I got to hold Kara's baby.

Sat night i spent with my girls once again Linds, Beca, and Maris. We all went to 3-6 Mafia which whas LAME!!!!!!! oH WELL. at least we all looked cute. 

Sunday was a good day too! I got up late, took a walk down town, when all of sudden Kara (dance company founder) jumped on me from behind and had me come join her for lunch with the baby, her husband, and Ashley (fusion dancer). They are seriously like my extended family. I love them so much.  We then went and watched Brad Pitt in his new movie. He was by far my favorite character and was super funny!!!! 

So ya i would have to say that life is absolutely amazing here in SB. i think i just need to stay focused with school and dance. OHHHHHHHH and i just one more dance thought i need to share. Last night at Jazz i learned the most fun dance to a shiny toy guns song that totally reminded me of Morgan and Nikki. 

"Flashback!"

SO... last night i was up till like 1:00 a.m. making up choreography for my hip hop classes that I teach. Talk about tired! However not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am PRETTY impressed with myself. I finally am able to to put moves to this song that i have been listening to the past 2 months! Its called "flashback" (hence the title of my blog) by Kelly Rowland. Its kinda awsome. I really like this new crave of slow jam hip hop vs the gnarly crumping hip hop. (Sorry Missy, Clowning is over).  Now Im hanging out in the library before I go to my psychology class at 1. Boooooo :( maybe Morgan will finally get online so we can silently Ichat. Oh well at least I have tonight to look forward to. YAY SOPHIE'S BIRTHDAY WOOP WOOP!!!!  This would be me avoiding the inevitable psyco I mean psychology class!

dance dance dance

The last couple days it has been dance dance dance... oh hey and some more dance! Cant complain though really. Any who so here is my reflection on the last couple weeks since i havent been a good blogger lately.

Two weeks ago I went up to San Luis Obispo. It was really nice cuz i got to see some old friends but most importantly i got to hang out with my old dancer friends. LOVE THEM. How is it that I always stay closest with friends  from dance??? Morgan, Nikki, Chirstina, Sophia, Leticia, Mandy C, Elijah... Maybe i subconsciously only like dancers. That must be it. Anywho, im really glad I went up there because I was ITCHING to leave by the end of the weekend. Brittney + SLO = :( 

Lat weekend I stayed in Ventura, so i could have a family weekend. An unfortunate tragedy left a wonderful family with out a mom and wife, and my mom took it really hard. I felt the need to stay close to her.  On Friday I went to the game to watch dance team. Hilarious! They brought the wrong c.d. which left like four girls in tears and then once they did get the right music, in the middle of the dance the football players ran onto the field!!! HAHAHA But the girls were amazing and kept dancing anyways. (Not laughing at the girls, just the whole list of events).  Sat i hung out with my Kyrstie girl who enlightened me once again on my fashion sense as she always does. Sunday ( my favorite day)  I went to a benefit for the humane society with me and my mom. It was so much fun. There was a silent auction and me mom were stalking these two paintings. She HAD to win. So as the competition began to get the best of my mom, she so quickly was brought back to reality when a little old woman came up to shake the hand of a wonderful competitor... She was going to put the painting in her piano room. You should have seen my moms face. BAHAHAHAHA priceless!!! 

So now im just doing SOME MORE HOMEWORK..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH